Repellent Success

by Lupo Sling
(Spotsylvania VA, US of A)

Repellent Success

A cousin from the farm dictated the following success story.

Yea, it’s homemade alright.

First came a description of eight ingredients such as eggs, salt, fish oil, low fat margarine, cayenne powder, chili pepper flaks, Murphy’s oil soap, white vinegar, six lemon plus half a lime, pomegranate extract, tincture of acai berry, nail polish remover, horse hair from an old chair, Vidalia onion peel, and so on; then follows directions on the elaborate cutting, measuring and mixing complicated ingredients in ever larger containers and stirring into blenders on varying settings (chopped, chipped, granulated, fluidized, liquefied and maybe gaseous) in several careful steps.

Then he explained what happened next. “So that very evening, after I spread the 3R mix (that’s for radical rabbit repellent) on all my favorite flowers and shrubs, I’m standing in the shadows, watching that rabbit and waiting for him to come over and get a taste of my treatment – he just sits up on his hind legs, looks over at me and then hops away … just like that.

“Never saw him again … although the fancy neighbors next door with all the expensive flower beds and decorator gardens are having a hell of a time with their rabbit.

“I told them about my 100% success and even offered them my recipe – and a little of the stuff I had left over (which had ripened into an odd smelling brew, I’ll admit) but they said that including raw eggs will spawn salmonella that could kill their two-year old. They do have a healthy two-year old, - wouldn't want anything to happen to her. She's a Swiss Rottweiler.” mc

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